Where Did We Go Wrong?

It seems we've gotten ourselves turned upside down and inside out.

When did it become acceptable for elementary students to have a school-sponsored dance?  They're children.  Young children.  Why would someone even think this would be a good idea?  What's the purpose?

My nine-year-old daughter desperately wants to wear high heels, simply because her foot is almost as big as mine.   She thinks just because she can, she should.

Somewhere along the way we have given in to the thinking that just because something is permissible, it is also profitable.  We couldn't be farther from the truth.

1 Corinthians 10:23 Amplified Bible (AMP)

²³ All things are legitimate [permissible—and we are free to do anything we please], but not all things are helpful (expedient, profitable, and wholesome). All things are legitimate, but not all things are constructive [to character] and edifying [to spiritual life].

Somewhere along the way the reason why we did or did not became irrelevant.  We've lost our traditions and meaningful rites of passage.  Why?  Is it because we don't fully understand them?  If we don't understand them ourselves, it becomes difficult to explain to others.  If we can't explain to others, there ceases to become legitimate reasons why something isn't profitable.  Our main concern shifts to only if it is permissible.

We have strayed so far from the path that leads to strength of character and a solid foundation.   We've become so self-absorbed and so consumed with self-gratification.  We've missed the mark and we, and our children, pay the price.

Because we want a "easier" life for our children, we pay them an allowance for daily hygiene, making their bed, keeping their rooms neat; things that were expected of us simply because we lived in a home with others.  Self-respect is no longer being taught in our homes, much less in our schools.  We've lowered our expectations of ourselves and others while increasing our privileges (and theirs) because somehow we feel entitled to them. Because "everyone else can/has/does", we should, too. 

Hold on just a minute.  If we're Christians, Christ commands and expects more from us.

Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].

Life is instant.  Life is fast. We live in a world where our smartphones are the first place we turn to for answers.  Why?  Because it's fast, it's fun, it's easy.  My children want their electronic games/smartphones if we will be in the car longer than 5 minutes.  Heaven help us.

Easy.  Why is it that we want an "easy" life?  Why an "easier" life for our children?  When life is easy, we're not learning; we're not growing; we're not becoming better people.  When life is easy, we slip away from depending on God.  And friends, we all desperately need God.  We become blinded to that need when life is easy.  Why would we intentionally put that on our children?  

Why not a "better" life?  A life full of grace and forgiveness and love and self-control. A life of honest, hard work.  A life of privileges earned, not expected.

I saw a friend's post on facebook yesterday that recalled a conversation overhead while waiting in line to vote.  A "girl" (because honestly she was no lady with comments like this) said "Ugh!  I can't even feel my hands!"  In front of her was an elderly lady in a wheelchair who responded with, "Dear, I cannot even feel my legs."*

Please don't misunderstand me.  I'm in no way suggesting that we intentionally make our lives and the lives of our children more difficult to the point of intense suffering.  My point is that what we see as suffering, is in reality, nothing more than inconveniences.  We whine and complain, behaving like three-year-olds. We need to grow up.

Life is hard.  Really hard.  But for the majority of us, it's also ridiculously easy.  We live in so much extravagance and privilege that, at times, it's sickening.

This is not the legacy I want to leave my children.  

I want them to know the satisfaction that comes only from working hard and doing a job well and thoroughly.  

I want them to know the exhaustion, and exhilaration, of working with their hands all day and collapsing into bed at night.

I want them to know the joy of seeking answers and experiences and truly living life; messy, up-to-their-elbows, struggling, persevering.

I want them to know the joy of sacrificing for someone or something they believe in.   

I want them to know the love that comes from putting others first.

I want them to know the peace that passes understanding that only comes when you trust Christ in the midst of this messy and sometimes painful life.

I want them to know the freedom that comes only from true forgiveness.  Forgiveness that comes only as a result of someone hurting you deeply. 

We are a heavily-medicated nation.  We live in an incredibly stressful time.  We also sit around more than ever.  We have become lazy.  Instead of working through our stresses by doing manual labor, we take pills.  Instead of working together, we "connect" with people in cyberspace.  Instead of  family being our cornerstone and living in true community, we live in planned neighborhoods where we're lucky if we know the neighbors on either side of us.  We have become such a transient and disconnected society.  We've lost our roots.  We've lost our footing.  We search for a strong foundation and find nothing but masqueraders offering little more than a temporary fix.  

I want my children to know the peace, security, self-worth that comes only from a deep, abiding relationship with the God who created them, who loves them more than I can even begin to imagine, who sacrificed His own Son so that we can know Him unlike any other.  I want their lives to be marked by the work of the Holy Spirit active and alive in them.  I want them to have an abundant life, not an easy one.

I want it, too.

John 10:10
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). 

More tomorrow on how I think we can get this back.  Hope you'll join me.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

 *HT to Angela Sox.  :)

31: Skipping Class Part 2

Now you know...I've skipped a class or two in my day.  Life has a sneaky way of derailing you (and me) when we least expect it if we don't have margins.

My girl needed a skip day a couple of weeks ago.  Life had simply overwhelmed her and she needed a break.  She's only 9 and yet...she needs margins, too.

That got me thinking about the common, and essential, elements to a day devoted to margin.  A day when we need to carve out some space so we can breathe, think, live.

Here are the key pieces should you find you need your own day of margin:

• rest - sleeping in and naps
• food - your favorite comfort foods
• fresh air - it's amazing to me what a little natural vitamin D and deep inhalations of oxygen will do for your soul
• clothing - only the comfiest, snuggliest will do
• meditation - take some time to think, read, pray, listen to music
• hot bath - turns out there's some truth to "Calgon take me away!"

What are your key pieces to a day of margin?

Baby Biscuits

Growing up, we had biscuits on a pretty regular basis.  Not those canned biscuits either.  Real biscuits.  Flour-on-your-hands, knead-the-dough biscuits.

Sometimes my mama would use cookie cutters to make fun shapes, but most often it was her biscuit cutter.  I loved to watch her knead the dough, pat it out, and cut all those circles.  We would talk and laugh and enjoy this little slice of life.

My favorite part was my baby biscuit.  Yes, MY baby biscuit.  I'm the baby in my family. My mama was never one to waste something, especially biscuit dough.  So, when she had cut out every biscuit she possibly could, she would take the leftover bits of dough and combine them to make a baby biscuit.  Just for me.

This baby biscuit looked nothing like the others lined up neatly on the pan.  It was misshapen, odd, squished together.  But it was my favorite.

Ten minutes later the timer would ding and the blissful aroma of fresh baked bread beckoned me.  Before my mama could get them off the pan and buttered, my fingers were excitedly laying claim to the one made just for me.

The outside lightly browned; the inside fluffy and light.  Steam rising as I cracked it open, butter dripping down my hand as I popped the entire thing into my mouth, savoring this wonderful creation.  Sure, I would eat one or two or five more of the others; but this one was, and still is, far and away my favorite.

I have my own children to make biscuits for now.  My daughter, when she was still the baby of the family, would stand in a kitchen chair while I made biscuits.  We would talk and laugh and enjoy this little slice of life.  And she would get the baby biscuit.  Her sweet eyes would light up every time I told her the story of her grandmother and me doing the very same thing thirty years before. 

Earlier this week I made biscuits as part of our supper.  The baby biscuit was sitting on the pan, hot and ready, just waiting for my daughter to come along and claim it.  We had a full house that night.  The kitchen was loud and busy.
  
I turned to get the baby biscuit for my daughter's plate.  Something was missing.  Part of the biscuit was gone.  Who would do such a thing?  Doesn't everyone know she's the baby and that biscuit is hers?

Apparently not my husband.  It seems he likes baby biscuits, too.  And so does the now-baby in our family, our seven-year-old son.  Turns out EVERYONE likes, and wants, the baby biscuit. 

This got me thinking about how many times in life we tend to pursue the seemingly perfect things (relationship, job, home, church, etc.); desperately wanting to be like everyone else and fit into what we think is the best place, or what society has convinced us is the ONLY place, to be.  All the while forgetting that if we will just give our bits (the hurt, the questions, the insecurities) to God, He will make something so unique and beautiful in us, that everyone will want what we have.

The busy life

I commonly joke when someone asks about my life that I have one husband, four kids, two dogs and a partridge in a pear tree.  It helps to lighten the mood and my perspective on just how busy my life is.  It wasn't always this busy.  In fact, it's never been this busy. I have two biological children and two step-children, at three different schools, and a minimum of three sports at any given time. The schedules are wonky to say the least. While I may complain and grumble about it from time to time and pine for the quiet and unhurried days of long ago, this is the life God has for me right now.  This is my ministry.  I would do well to remember that.

Here's a rundown of a typical week and a gentle reminder of how I can minister to my family each day.

Mondays - soccer practice, gymnastics practice and men's prayer night.  I don't actually have to go to any of these activities, but my family does.  I would be wise to keep them in mind when planning the rest of the week.  *Ministry for today is laundry and something good for supper as well as some special time with my man.  No kids home this night.*

Tuesdays - baseball practice, gymnastics practice, monthly booster club meeting.  My goal on this day is to make sure school clothes are clean, supper is ready and my reports for booster club are in order. Two of our kids are home this day. 

Wednesdays - soccer  practice, baseball lesson.  Today's goal is supper,clean clothes, homework, and social hour.  All the kids are home this day and they haven't seen each other in at least two days, if not five.  Lots of catching up to do. :)

Thursdays - gymnastics practice.  Supper, homework and family time.  This has become our pizza night.  It's quick, easy and relatively healthy.  This is the night that can be the toughest if I'm not at my best.  All four kids are home.

Fridays - every other week we have two kids home.  The other week, it's date night.  Ministry is either family time or something special for my man. I'd like to work into inviting another couple over on the weeks we have no kids home, at least once a month.

Saturdays - for now, it's baseball and soccer games.  Every other week we have the other two kids, or all four.  Family night is on the agenda which usually entails a movie, a rousing game of Mexican train, or just playing outside if the weather allows.  If all four kids are home, it usually ends up being girl time with my princess and the boys do "boy stuff".  I'd like to start incorporating some sort of Sabbath meal.

Sundays - church.  two kids home every other week.  Rest, rest, rest.  I've found that I NEED this.  God is so wise. :) This is the day to minister to myself: a long soak in the tub, quick mani or pedi (or both!), facial, knitting, reading, napping (bliss!)

In the midst of all this, I also work part-time for a friend's construction supply business as well as handle most of the administrative work for our family's web business.  Don't forget about laundry, the dogs, keeping the house relatively straight, more laundry, and a weekly Bible study.  Right now, those things happen as time allows.  Whew!

This has been therapeutic for me.  It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in what I think I need to get done each day, instead of focusing on where my ministry is and allowing the rest to fall into place and allow God to take care of it all. My goal is to create a better framework.

How do you frame  your week?

Pancakes and Bacon

One of my favorite meals growing up was breakfast for supper.  From about the time I was 10 or 11, I was responsible for supper one night a week (or two if my brother paid me to cook on his night).  At that age, my skills were somewhat limited.  My repertoire included mac 'n cheese, hot dogs, pasta, fried bologna sandwiches, grits, eggs, bacon and pancakes.  Frequently we had breakfast for supper.  It was quick; everyone liked it; I felt accomplished.

Breakfast for supper is still one of my favorites.  It's fun.  It's different.  It's unexpected.  It's what we had for supper last night, after the cookies and ice cream from the Upwards party.  We indulged. We celebrated Mardi Gras inasmuch as Southern Baptists observe the liturgical calendar.

Today marks the end of that indulging.  Today is Ash Wednesday; the first day of Lent.  Lent is a time to reflect on the sacrifice that Christ made for us on the cross and prepare for the celebration of his resurrection at Easter.  In turn, many Christians make some sort of sacrifice for the 40 days of the Lenten season.  Although I grew up thinking these traditions were only for the people who went to the fancy churches and cathedrals, I've learned their significance and have come to embrace them.

Sweet tea was my first sacrifice.  For this Southern born and bred girl, that was huge!  There were two drinks in my house growing up: whole milk and my mama's sweet tea. What I found was that I didn't NEED sweet tea like I had always thought. Please don't mistake me.  I love a good glass of sweet tea.  I just don't NEED it any more.  It is now my choice and not my default.

There have been other things I have given up over the years: chocolate (that was a doozy), sleeping in, and yes, even facebook.  What I have discovered is that there will always be something that can get in the way of my relationship with Christ.  They may not be full-fledged idols.  Yet.  I don't want idols.  I've had too many.  They always disappoint.  They always fall short.  They always fail to deliver what I really need...true communion and relationship with my God, my Savior.


Lent has become my time to reflect on what is encroaching on my relationship with Christ.  My time to give whatever it is to Christ, confess my sin, receive forgiveness, and reclaim that time for Christ alone.  This year it's my thoughts.  Not nearly as quantifiable as sweet tea or chocolate, but at risk to become an idol nonetheless.  2 Corinthians 10:4-6 tell us:

⁴For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,
    ⁵[Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One),
    ⁶Being in readiness to punish every [insubordinate for his] disobedience, when your own submission and obedience [as a church] are fully secured and complete.

Taking every thought captive to Christ is something I don't do well.  I'm apt to let my thoughts turn into emotions; emotions into words; words into actions I usually regret.  In order to prevent this, I must go to the source, my thoughts.  I need to surround myself with Truth so that my thoughts are true; flood my mind with God's Word.  I want to walk empowered by the Holy Spirit.  I want to walk in victory, knowing Christ has already won, already defeated the enemy, already conquered death.

Do you celebrate Lent?  What is keeping you from walking in the power of the Holy Spirit?  What are you turning over to Christ for the next 40 days?

*for more information on Lent check out The Season of Lent.