Something happened yesterday that sent me down the road of frustration, annoyance, and just plain irritation. In the grand scheme of life, it's minor. However, last night when I first got the information, it almost sent me into a tailspin. Ugh.
Hence why making my thoughts captive to Christ is my focus for Lent 2012. ;)
After a few tears and bugging my husband with my rehashing of my emotions and why I was completely justified to feel the way I did, I began to pray (which is what I should have done to begin with, but I'm still learning.). God opened my eyes to the real reason I was unhappy with this series of events.
Turns out, I'm still searching for, and expecting to find, my value in others. So, when I encounter something I think will make me look bad or won't portray the whole story (or at least my side of it), I get all flustered and out of sorts. I want to look good, or at the very least not as bad as someone else.
You see, this small thing will give people one impression, albeit a false one, regarding my family. It is one very tiny facet that I would rather just ignore. However, it is something that is out of my realm of control. Yet, this minor thing can (and has) become a major issue for me. I have this sense that if I'm not the one to initially set the scene (and set the record straight), then no one will believe me. Worse yet, my value to them will be less. I'll be an outsider to a group in which I want to be a main character.
What God showed me is that I already am the main character. He chose me. Even better, I'm a main character in God's life. He died for me so that one day I would choose Him. My value is in how He sees me; and He sees all, including my heart and my hurt.
I've struggled with insecurity my entire life (who hasn't?). There are days when I am confident in the woman God created me to be, confident in my skills and knowledge, confident that I matter. There are days when my confidence is gone, utterly wiped out.
What happens to cause this drastic shift? Has God given up on me? Have I suddenly lost all my skills and knowledge? Do I suddenly not matter? Thankfully, no.
Then what pulls me to completely lose all faith in myself? My perspective. My willingness to listen to Satan's lies. My own self-pity. My wondering why I'm not prettier, or smarter, or better at ______. Ugly, nasty stuff.
How do I keep my focus on God? How do I keep my mind centered on Him? How do I keep my heart full of HIS value of me?
Remember that I am who God says I am: blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed, and completely forgiven.
You are who God says you are. We are lavished in grace.
" 3 All praise to God, the
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual
blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5
God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us
to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it
gave him great pleasure. 6 So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son.[b] 7 He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. 8 He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding." Ephesians 3:3-8